From: tkolstee@comtch.iea.com (Tony Kolstee)
Subject: Re: Wanted: "Traditional" Wedding Vows & Rituals
Date: 14 Feb 1994 16:37:32 GMT

Michael Barlow (mgb@sgi.elec.uq.oz.au) wrote:
> Hi, as the title of this article implies I'm interested in
> "traditional" wedding ceremonies, rituals and vows of a
> non-christian (no flames please) nature.

The easiest way to get your point across there would be to say that
you need _handfasting_ traditions. That's a pretty widely accepted
word for Pagan weddings as far as I know.

> I ask as I'm to be married in about 2 months and would like a
> ceremony that is some way links my wife and I to the generations of
> couples that have gone before us as well as acknowledging our
> part/role in that of nature (Background: My wife and I are holding
> an outdoor wedding at the city's botanic gardens. It will be a
> relatively informal affair with close family and friends as guests,
> and a celebrant officiating.).

I have never seen this in a Handfasting, but an analogy (in the rites
I've seen) to the Great Marriage of the Lord and Lady was made.

> Pointers, references, anecdotes and any information would be greatly
> appreciated (a search of our library here has turned up very little
> useful information). In particular any information regarding vows
> (as we'll be writing our own) would be truly helpful.

Here's some traditions as I know them:

First of all, the very word handfasting got it's origin in the wedding
custom of tying the bride and groom's hands (actually, wrists)
together. In some versions, this is only done for as long as the
ceremony lasts, but in others, the cord is not untied until the
marriage is physically consummated.

Another custom in Pagan ceremonies is that the couple jumps over the
broom that was used to clean the Circle (even outdoors - we're talking
cleaning out of all negative vibrations) together. This was even a
method of common law marriages in some states for a while, I believe.

The vow can be taken, in my tradition, for any duration of time. Many
people vowed marriage for a year and a day (the traditional length of
time - 13 moon cycles). If the marriage proved to last over this
period of time, then the vows would be renewed for longer. In the
maiden priestess' (of my coven) marriage, they vowed for "as long as
love shall last". Endearing...

The wedding would be best during the time of the new moon, or at the
VERY least, during the waxing or full stages. The new moon symbolizes
new beginnings, the waxing growth of a feeling or energy, and the full
a "climax" of events.

The throwing of the garter and boquet, and the groom not being allowed
to see the bride beforehand may also be Pagan in origin.

The rice was thrown as a sort of "offering" to the bride and groom, so
that they may never hunger.

A good symbol to use for a marriage would be any animal that mates for
life.  I'm not sure, but I think swans do this.

Another one I came up with on my own: Have the bride and groom go,
willingly hand in hand, through four (five?) "ordeals" to show their
mastery over the elements. This is similar to initiation, only instead
of showing personal mastery, it would show the strength of the
couple's collective will. After the ordeals, they speak their vows *to
each other, and not to the priest/ess, as their wrists are tied
together. A small cut can even be made at the point where they are to
touch, so that their blood is joined as well.  This is up to you, as
it is a transgression of some traditions' Craft ethics, as well as
being infeasible if any of the wedding party, guests, etc. are
squeamish at the sight of blood.